We are four months shy of a year passing since the day handsome man o’ mine and I decided to add to our family of two by adopting a child. The day we decided to add to our family of two is incredibly vivid and the emotions of excitement and nervousness nearly overcome my soul as I attempt to put those feelings into writing. We just knew that we were ready to become parents. Knowing how we would overcome infertility to make this happen has always been uncertain – it is the words “faith” and “just try” that play in my mind the most.
Already, this has been such a long journey. I first embarked when I found out at what I thought was the ripe age of seventeen that I would not be able to conceive a child. Most girls of my age were sketching future names of children in their diaries while I was simply realising the cause of my extreme night sweats. I never thought I would understand the menopausal conversations of women three times my age were engaging in over coffee. I winced as boyfriends that fantasised of strapping young lads to carry on the family name. In my heart, I held a breaking secret – a secret that I felt would hinder most relationships throughout my young adult life --Relationships with men that looked forward to a child ‘carrying the family name’. Handsome man ‘o mine never batted an eyelash at the news of my disappointment. His thoughtful encouragement shone through from the very beginning. He has been my ray of light through this battle. It is the one thing that keeps my spirits high and gives me hope from day to day. He is the one reason why I have come to realise that our lives together and everything that encompasses our lives together is not just special—it is ours. No matter the obstacles we face - we do it together.
The point we have reached in our own relationship has never been an easy journey. We work for every step we take and have come to expect that everything comes with a price. That is no different with starting a family of our own. Ten months ago, we felt adoption was the right way forward in making our dream a reality. However, that journey has ended for us. There is heartache and numbness but a certain peace has found its way to my heart. There is still a glimpse of hope. So many factors play into our decision and factors contributing that are out of our control but as a friend whispered to me on yesterday,
“Only you two can make that decision. The one that is right for you two,”
The decision to add to our family the way we most feel comfortable; the way that is meant for us. I now look back to years of my own fertility treatment research and we make final decisions of where and when it will all take place. It is a must. We must 'just try.' Due to my condition (Premature Ovarian Failure or sometimes referred to Premature Menopause) my ovaries do not produce eggs therefore; an egg donor is necessary. A law has been passed in the UK that egg donors are no longer anonymous causing the waiting list for a donor to be nearly five years.
We are taking recommendations from two friends that have experienced IVF treatment with an egg donor in Valencia, Spain using fertility clinic IVI. There are no waiting lists (unless the couple seeks a blonde hair, blue eyed donor) and after the first assessment, the procedure occurs almost immediately. The clincher is costs. Like adoption in the USA, it is very expensive and we will have to come up with a very large lump sum for the procedure. There are no doubts in our minds that it will be worth every penny –yet, as expected – it is all quite daunting.
For now, we take this one day at a time. Pray relentlessly and try to focus on life until the time comes for treatment. We will ‘pinch pennies’ and research pros and cons in order to prepare ourselves the best we can.
I cannot help but think that starting a family shouldn’t be this hard but at the same time, I try to stay strong knowing that at some point, somehow we will have a family.
Someday. Until then, the excitement of becoming a mother subsides and we wait.
