London Southern Belle

Week 14

My darlings,

I have tried to express how I am feeling on numerous occasions yet, my fingers never flow across the keyboard as my thoughts overwhelmingly spill over. A few paragraphs could never sum up how you make your mother feel.  So complete and contented. Never in my life have I felt such joy to have two tiny perfections in my life. When the two of you, your daddy and me are nestled within the walls of our home, my heart feels a brand new love. We still cannot believe you belong to us. Every day we spend time with you singing and making faces in hopes you will flash us a smile. And, you do. You both do. You show us your happiness and how much you are currently enjoying new things and being with your parents. The two people that care for you and love you immensely.

You have brought new meaning to my life. You have brought new meaning to the relationship I have with your father. He is an amazing man and I have fallen in love with him all over again as I watch him care for you in wonder and awe. You are blessed to have such a terrific father figure. He will teach you and show you how incredible life is. He appreciates the small things in life and I hope you can learn to appreciate this in him as your mummy has done. You will be a better person for it.

As I hold you both in my arms, I feel the heaviness of your body heaping into me, your skin warm and breath, lovely. For years, I have waited for such moment and daily I mourn you growing out of your ‘babyness ‘ all the while marvelling in what you are becoming ; little personalities of smiles and sounds each your own uniqueness.  If you choose to have a family of your own, please enjoy moments rocking your own children to sleep. It is one of life’s best moments.  A moment of peaceful love.

Always, will you have the right to make your own decisions. Your daddy and I have vowed to support you, give you space to learn and grow and will always encourage you to explore. Life is such an amazing treasure once you gain the confidence to brave the unknown.

I will never choose myself over you. No sacrifice will be too big. I want to show you so many things. Even now, in low whispers before bed, I tell you the experiences to be had. You and me. Seaside adventures, growing our own vegetables and flowers, messy painting, our first roller coaster ride,  your first puppy, building tents in our living room until you are old enough to camp outside amongst friends in the backyard, helping you to read your first book, teaching you to cook, helping you to realise the importance of respecting others and their opinions. The list is endless. Any experience you desire, we want to give that to you. And, will try as parents to ensure you have the best life possible.

You are without a doubt the best gift we have ever received. Two weeks ago, your father said,

‘I knew our lives would change dramatically and I could not think of a better way for it to do so..’

He could not have summed it up any better.

Thank you for changing our lives babies. You are loved.

Love,

Mummy

My how you've grown!

Our baby bunnies approaching 10 weeks of age. My how time flies! I've revamped my blog design in hopes it will lure me to write more. Watch this space!

baby bliss x2!

 
I know, I am such a terrible blogger! So much that I have been contemplating deleting this blog all together. I'm giving it a bit more thought....

The twins are delightful and I am having so much fun with them. As of today, they are seven weeks old. We are seeing their first smiles as of last week. It is just fascinating.

I promise to update soon. For now, I just want to spend my waking moments playing and loving my two babies! :)

the post that will never do that beautiful moment justice

Four days prior to my booked c-section date, handsome man ‘o mine and I excitedly attended our pre-operation consultation with the anaesthetist and midwife. I had been strangely calm leading up to this point and it wasn’t until the anaesthetist was discussing complications of the procedure and then quick glance over to my husband who had tears welling in eyes  that the calmness quickly  dissipated.  He was terrified for my sake and the realisation that I was to have a major operation to bring our twins into this world became a reality.  

The weekend following was one of constant reassurance that all would be fine even though within my being I was trembling. I did not sleep a wink the night before I was to go into hospital. I must have checked the hospital bags several times and clock watched three times as much. Our car journey to hospital that morning was a quiet one. Nervousness drowned out the radio sounds but there were times when tinges of excitement showed through faint smiles.

 

As we made our way to level 7, which in recent days has become a second home to us due to the many hospital visits for monitoring, I had forgotten how heavy my tummy felt carrying two babies and was already missing the roundness of it.  We were ushered into a side room where I changed into a hospital gown and a midwife struggled to pull up circulation tights onto my very swollen legs and feet. By this time I was holding back nervous tears but still managed to joke about how I cannot wait to have ankles once again.

The walk down the corridors to the operating theatre never seemed so short. There were literally a dozen bodies all with a particular job. I remember the soothing music I had brought in playing gently in the background. It gave me warm thoughts of my high school friend and college roommate Addie, who had mailed it along with several thoughtful baby items months prior. 

The next hour was a blur of lots of fears and an abundance of tears as the team could not administer the epidural into the correct place. With each failed attempt another local anaesthetic was given putting me into a panic with each prick. At one point I heard threats of putting me completely under for the delivery. I cried at the thought of not being awake for the birth of our children and with the gas and air mask gently pressed to my face I kept telling handsome man ‘o mine, ‘I have to make this work. I have to be awake for this.’

The anaesthetist walked around the operating table and made eye contact with me.  I remember seeing her gloves covered in blood from the anaesthetic attempts.

‘Lean forward and arch your back like a Halloween cat,’ she calmly demanded.                     

With a belly carrying what felt like large twins, I could not manage to lean forward nor could I arch my back. I tried and it wasn’t working well enough. I felt desperate.

Handsome man ‘o mine clenched my hands, his eyes pierced into mine. I could tell he desperately wanted the fear and pain I was feeling to disappear. He looked as desperate as I felt.

An hour later,  a second anaesthetist was called in. This time he was my angel. Within 10 minutes I was completely numb from the breasts down and the delivery of our babies would begin. I immediately felt at peace.

The room was buzzing with bodies as I focused on handsome man ‘o mine’s face. The moment was arriving. The moment I had waited for so long to experience. I immediately began to weep.

Twin one entered our world and man ‘o mine gleefully announced the arrival of an 8 lb gorgeous baby girl. She was raised high above the sheet for our eyes to see. Never in my life had I seen such a beautiful sight. Immediately, I loved her. She was whisked away to the opposite side of the room and looked over. All was well.

With flailing arms and legs, twin two arrived into our world as a more petite 6 lb 4 oz baby boy. His hands tiny, his voice loud. ‘It’s a boy,’ handsome man ‘o mine whispered. Our family, complete.  I did not know the extent of such love until that very moment. I could not wait to hold our babies.

The first time Evelyn was plopped on my bare skin my lips immediately touched her sweet head. I was instantly in love. I glanced over to handsome man ‘o mine who was cradling Addison for the first time and I could feel the tears making yet another appearance. I never thought I would see the day and knew I would fall in love with my husband all over again, seeing him as a father. The day that I and the man I love most actually did it – we were parents to two gorgeous children and they were all ours.

Soon after, I was wheeled into recovery; a small side room where I was monitored by our favourite midwife (who ironically shared our last name) while we basked in baby bliss. I was completely unaware of my pain or the fact that I had a catheter inserted and periodically was having my incision dressing changed by a complete stranger. I was incredibly content with a baby nestled on my left and again on my right. How blessed where we to have not one child, but two. That was the main thought running through my head.

We made phone calls to announce the news to grandparents,  sent texts to close friends and just enjoyed being a family of four for a couple of hours before being transferred to the maternity ward.  

I have always felt life is full of surprises, blessing and triumphs. And, while I know just in the short four weeks I have known Addison & Evelyn, mothering them has been my biggest challenge. A challenge I will forever try and perfect and ensure I am the best mother I can be.

Love has reached a brand new height in our lives and despite the large mountain we climbed – finally, we are at the top and it feels magnificent.

Baby Addie and Baby Evie - We love you more than words could ever express. We cannot wait to show you the world and our abundance of love. You bless us.

photo session +4

these just melt my heart.... twins are 2 weeks +3 days old

Tomorrow they will be 3 weeks old - my how time flies!

picture perfect

Life is busy and we are exhausted however; every day gets a bit easier. Thank you for the sweet comments - we are just over the moon and smitten as kittens with our twins. They are gorgeous.

I'm working on the birth story inbetween feeds and nappy changes but promise to start updating more once we are in a bit of a routine. So far, the routine is feeding every two hours (and doesn't always happen at the same time) so free time is sparce!

For now, I shall share some photos of their first two weeks. The drooling may commence.